I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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