Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
