i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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