Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize