I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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