She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Come on in and take your pants off
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