Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
