I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
