If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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