I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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