you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
