Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
