Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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