Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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