physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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