I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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