Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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