My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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