Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
