I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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