She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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