the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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