Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize