He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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