$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
