mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just gift wrapped bread.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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