doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
