I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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