I smell stomach acid.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize