don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There's even glitter on my cock...
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