The maid of honor just puked.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
