Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize