I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
