And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize