Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
