with your own penis?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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