So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
