On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
