Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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