I'm lost and stupid without you.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
