You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
