How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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