Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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