so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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