if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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