The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
