Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
