We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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