walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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