hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
