Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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