atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
