Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
