im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
