you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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