I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
