i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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