Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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