he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
