Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize