I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I love you. Go after that dick
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
