His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
