Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
