glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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