Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
