I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
