Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
