Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
