I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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