Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
