so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
