Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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