he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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