I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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