I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Im part way to drunk.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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