so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
