Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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