5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's never too late to be topless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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