i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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