JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
