Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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