I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
