dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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